New Job and New Stories

Well, I started the new job this week and so far so good. My department is putting me through orientation/training to get me familiar on the products we sell, the processing we do to make the product happen, and the pre-sale activities we perform for customers who call before purchasing.

Next week, I'll be getting all the metrics of the business. You have no idea how happy I am to be at a place where they use metrics to run the business. I can't wait to dig into the KPIs, to understand what levers to pull to drive more business, etc. It's a far cry from my previous employer where no one was interested in driving more business, optimizing the website, etc. to make more money.

I'm still taking public transportation with my new job; however, I'm no longer taking the Big Blue Bus #10. As such, I here-by retire "The Chronicles of Bus #10"...and will be replacing it with the "Red Line Chronicles".

I've already got a few stories for the Red Line Chronicles, so stay tuned!

Fists of Fury!

This started making the rounds, so I thought I would post it.



She's got mad Kung Fu skillz!!! Don't mess with Toisan women!

Good thing this hasn't happened to me on The Chronicles of Bus #10. If someone attempted to punch me in the face or otherwise attack me, I'd make sure I finish it!

PS - If you want to see this fight with a translation of what the Chinese woman was saying, view it here on YouTube.

Ms. Bebopper from The Chronicles of Bus #10

Let me tell you about Ms. Bebopper who showed up on the bus the other day. It was the first time I've seen her as a passenger, but she sure made an impression on many of us on the bus that morning!

She got our attention when she started singing along to the song she was listening to on her iPod. Right when I looked up (from reading the morning news on my smartphone), she had raised her hands and started moving to the music (much to the chagrin of the 2 passengers sitting next to her).

But it didn't stop there. After a few moments, Ms. Bebopper started grooving to the music - moving her hips around, her arms going back and forth, and (to top it all off) snapping her fingers as loud as she could. The 2 passengers sitting next to her on the bench literally did not know what to do. They just stared at her, thinking Ms. Bebopper would stop when she noticed them. However, Ms. Bebopper never did. She just bebopped away throughout the ride.

All I can say is that must have been some playlist! I don't think I've ever been that moved to start bebopping away out in public (let alone in a small confined place such as the bus).

Passenger Etiquette from The Chronicles of Bus #10

As a bus passenger there is basic etiquette that you want to abide by:

• You give up your seat for the elderly
• You give up your seat to the disabled
• You give up your seat to women with children or women who are expecting
• You give up your seat to someone who is carrying a ton of stuff
  

During the ride home this afternoon, I noticed the following situation:

A woman who appeared to have Tourette syndrome got on the bus. The bus was half empty, but she wanted to sit in a seat that was already occupied by a man in his mid-40's. She hovered over the man for a few minutes and kept asking him if she could sit there. The man refused, telling her that the seat across from him was free and that she could sit there. She kept asking and the man kept refusing. He got so fed up with the woman that he finally said, "Stop hovering over me. You're making me very uncomfortable." She ended up taking another seat.

I don't know about you, but would it have killed the guy to give up his seat and sit elsewhere? It's not as though the bus was full and there were no other seats available. It's also not the first time that I have noticed that this guy would not give up his seat. He just tries to ignore you in hopes of not giving up his seat.

What happened to basic etiquette? What happened to treating others the way you would want to be treated? All I can say is, "What goes around, comes around." He'll get the same treatment one day and no one is going to feel bad for him.

The man eventually exited the bus a few stops before she did. Immediately after he got off the bus, the woman stood up and took his seat. She wanted that seat badly.

The Flirty Bus Driver from The Chronicles of Bus #10

When you take the bus, you inevitably meet all types of bus drivers. Here's how I've been classifying them so far:

• Fast bus drivers - these drivers drive fast and change lanes often to get to the stops on time
  
• Conservative bus drivers - these drivers are not concerned so much with speed but being safe (i.e., seldom change lanes)
• Speedy Gonzalez bus drivers - these drivers are faster than the 'Fast bus drivers' and will run red lights
• Nice bus drivers - these drivers are nice, will say 'Hello' when you step on the bus and will let you ride for free if s/he recognizes you as a regular passenger and you're either short on change or you forgot your bus pass
• Mean bus drivers - these drivers don't want anything to do with you (they never say 'Hi' even if you say 'Hello' first), have a scowl on their face, and are generally unpleasant
  

Today, I came across a new type that I'm adding to the list - the Flirty bus driver. This bus driver is like the Nice bus driver, BUT he makes sure to really chat up the ladies when they get on the bus. You should have seen the driver this morning!

Bus #10 has a lot of passengers who are office workers and community college students. The bus driver said 'Hi' to everyone as you got on and 'Have a nice day' when you got off; but he had more to say to you if he thought you were attractive (i.e., pretty female). His comments weren't out of line or anything like that; but you do notice that he'd ask the ladies if they had a nice weekend or tell them that they look nice today.

Pickup Technique from the Chronicles of Bus #10

Let me tell you about the attempted pickup that one of my male brothers tried on the bus the other day.

I'm sitting on a bench that seats 3 people. I'm in the middle (the seat that has the most room) and my male brother is sitting directly to my right. I've seen the guy before as he's a regular on the bus. He looks like a nice guy and has the look of someone you can trust. He's usually reading a book while listening to his MP3 player. He's a bit nerdy/dorky though, as he's the type to carry a dictionary with him to look up words he doesn't know when he's reading.

Well, a girl sits directly to my left and he attempts his pickup. The girl has her earbuds on and before she can even sit down, he attempts to start the conversation (remember, I'm sitting between the 2 of them).

Guy: "What are you listening to?"
Girl: "Excuse me?" (as she removes one earbud)
Guy: "What are you listening to?"
Girl: "Alicia Keys." (as she reinserts earbud)
Guy: "Oh, she's good. What album?"
Girl: "Her latest album." (she removes her earbud and realizes she's probably going to have to talk to the guy)
Guy: "I haven' heard that entire album yet. I've seen you at the bus stop before. Do you work in the area?"
Girl: "Yeah."
Guy: "What do you do? I'm a computer engineer."
Girl: "I'm an administrative assistant."
Guy: "An assistant? So do you answer phones, get stuff for people? Is that what you want to be? Don't you want to be promoted to a manager or something?"
Girl: "Yeah. I may go back to school soon." (as she answered in a somewhat annoyed tone)
Guy: "What will you study?"
Girl: "Will pursue my Masters."
Guy: "In what?"
Girl: "Business."
Guy: "I didn't catch your name. My name is XXXXX."
Girl: "My name is YYYYY."
Guy: "Oh, I think I caught your name before. Maybe that was someone else."

By this time she is clearly not in the mood to talk any further. She puts her earbud back on and pulls a magazine out of her bag. He notices and says:

Guy: "You look like you're very involved with your iPod. It was nice talking to you."
Girl: She simply nods her head and doesn't even answer.
The conversation is clearly over!

You have no idea how much strength it took for me not to laugh out loud. I'm no ladies man but even I could tell that the girl wanted nothing to do with him, especially after he insulted her twice in the conversation - first by questioning her current career choice and second by forgetting her name (or feigning to have her confused with someone else). Very smooth!

I will give props to my man for starting the conversation and trying to keep it going. He kept trying, just like "The Litte Engine That Could".

Tech Support from "The Chronicles of Bus #10"

After much thought and discussion with the wife, I have decided to name all my bus postings under the title of "The Chronicles of Bus #10". Today, I bring you Tech Support from the Chronicles of Bus #10:

People do a lot of things on the bus. Some read, some listen to their iPod/MP3 player/CDs, some surf the net or text message on their cell phones, and some sleep. There is one woman on the bus that likes to make phone calls on the bus.

I've heard her talk to her friends, people at her office, bill collection agencies, etc. but today's call with Dell Tech Support was the best. I know you're probably asking why I'm eavesdropping, but one can't help it. When you're on the f'ing bus, it is LOUD. To have any chance of the other party hearing you, you almost have to yell into the phone. Even with my music on, you cannot help but hear this woman's conversation.

Her conversation with Dell Tech Support starts off with a negotiation on the cost of the call. She's trying to knock down the $29.99 cost in half by using the 'I've been a customer since 2006' line. Obviously, it doesn't work and she relents by agreeing to pay the full amount.

She then describes to the tech that her computer isn't working right. The computer is slow, sometimes it just restarts itself, etc. The tech then starts giving her directions and she furiously starts writing these instructions down. As she's writing, the tech must have stopped talking because she starts asking 'Hello? Are you still there?' The tech responded and she asks 'What do I do next?' Next thing I hear is her saying to the tech that she doesn't have the computer in front of her because she's on the bus and her computer is at home.

I surmise that the tech stopped talking because he was expecting the woman to try those instructions on her computer to see what happens. He must have advised her to call back when she's in front of her computer because she asks him for a direct number and his extension.

The kicker is she then retracts and says, 'Since I'm paying for this call, shouldn't you call me back when I'm in front of my computer?' She then proceeds to tell the tech to call her back in the evening when she is home. She also confirms that she should not be charged for another tech support call because it's not her fault she's not in front of her computer.

I don't know about you, but this was quite funny and I had a good chuckle. I wonder if other people call Tech Support while they are riding the bus? Feel free to share your favorite Tech Support stories in comments.